The Dichotomy of Motherhood

Picture this: An incredibly cute yet incredibly loud short person spending most of his waking hours yelling, "Train, Mama" or, "Cookie, Mama", or "Down, Mama", or "Up Mama" pretty much constantly. This has been my Christmas Vacation.

However, between the yelling I've been given sweet kisses and hugs, the smell of baby shampoo, new words and new dance moves, and a Christmas morning filled with awe and delight.

I am a mother, and I am grateful.

Perspective

An old friend of my parents emailed me recently. I hadn't heard from him since before they died. He wanted to know what had become of me and my siblings. This kind of thing happens more often than you'd think, thanks to Mother Internet. She makes it so hard to hide.

My first reaction was anger because I felt like what he was asking was for me to assure him that we are fine, and that he no longer has to feel guilty for not checking in when we were young children, in need of many connections with people who loved us and loved our parents. I let that pass and then sent him a brief note letting him know that, in fact, my siblings and I have grown up relatively unscathed.

He wrote back. He told me about his family. His wife died in 1995 in a car accident. His sadness was evident in the words he wrote. I was reminded once again that everyone has their own burdens to bear and we are foolish to think that ours are heavier than anyone else's.

Eeyore

According to Just-Pooh.com, Eeyore is an unbelievably loveable donkey who is dismally gloomy for almost eternity. I have just today realized that I share an office with Eeyore. Her weekends make her tired. Time off is busier than being at work. The usual things that everyone else anticipates with excitement are burdens to this woman.

In addition, she finds the need to comment on every email she receives - without actually indicating what the email is about. Imagine sitting at your desk and intermittently hearing comments such as, "Well, I guess I'll have to stay late again tonight." or "Nobody realizes how much work that is."

She just answered the phone and responded to the caller, "Yes I took yesterday off, but it wasn't that great of a day." Oh Eeyore, I hope your tail doesn't fall off again today.

Brrrrr!

So, our furnace is in disrepair. We are waiting on a repairman to install a new one. This will happen today if all goes well. If all does not go well I think I may scream. I am not merely tired of being cold in my home. I have whined so much about it that I'm tired of hearing myself whine about being cold.

There are plenty of people for whom today does not bring a chance of warmth. There are people who live just down the street from me who have to wait until May for their house to be warm again. Who am I to complain about the inconvenience of having to cart space heaters to the room I move to when others would love to have the option of that inconvenience?

Maybe it's my apathetic heart that's making me cold.

Me and the Old Guys

I've always had a thing for elderly men. Now, before your little mind goes in the gutter let me clarify. I think they are sweet and wise and honest, and most have seen enough of this life to have let go of the silly concerns that keep most of us from saying what we mean. In other words, they can be a little crass, but they get away with it. I love that.

I was at a meeting last night with a few older gentlemen and one was particularly friendly to me. When it was time for the meal he said, "I'm gonna sit by this pretty young lady!" (meaning me, people, catch up) and I was flattered. Then he said, "I like to look at the ladies and at 75 that's about all I can do - look."

I wasn't sure what to do with that. Maybe as a woman I should be offended, or at the very least a little uncomfortable, but all I could do was giggle. That charmer.

Fuel Shortage

Yesterday I had an intellectual breakthrough at work. A data problem I'd been trying to figure out finally came together. Today I can't hardly speak in full sentences. I guess brainpower is finite. I need to start looking into alternative sources.

I'm Back?

Ok, so two blogging friends, a monkey and a chick, suggested I keep this thing up. I haven't written anything lately, frankly because it started to feel a bit awkward. It reminded me of those times when you tell a joke and no one quite hears you so you are just sitting there waiting for the guffaws to abound and someone says, "Wha? Did you say something?" Never happened to you? Oh.